Did you ever wake up just desperate to be held? And huddle into a pile of blankets in a desperate attempt to find some small amount of comfort?

Here's looking at you, Today.

The pagan fertility ritual cupcake pirate cake to end all pagan fertility ritual cupcake pirate cakes

The reveal
Originally uploaded by MonkeyPantaloons

Words fail me. Friends don't.

The pagan fertility ritual cupcake pirate cake to end all pagan fertility ritual cupcake pirate cakes

The reveal
Originally uploaded by MonkeyPantaloons

Words fail me. But friends don't.

Today

On her birthday, my Aunt Katie was moved into hospice. She's had cancer for a long time, but this really came very suddenly. This photo -- when she was the mother of the bride -- was only in September.

All possible prayers and thoughts are welcome.

This is where the wist lives.

There was a scene on Thirtysomething once in which Hope was remembering a boy who loved her in college. The scene culminated in her saying, wistfully and sadly, something like, "How many times in your life does someone stand in the falling snow outside your window at midnight calling your name?" It was poignant and sweet, a moment lodged in her heart yet lost forever.

My moment like that is a little different. In the '90s I was very close to some kids, the children of friends I worked with at our local, tiny, family-owned newspaper. Damon and Justin, mostly, but also their cousins Carissa and Wesley. They were the lights and loves of my life, friends like I might never have again.

Before I moved to California I went over to their grandparents' house, where Damon and Justin spent some time every week, to say goodbye to these children who were practically my own. After the visit, as I started to drive away, I looked out my window to see the boys running beside me, waving and beaming.

How many times in your life do your reasons for getting up in the morning run alongside your car, waving goodbye as you move half a world away?

10 months old but new to me

via videosift.com


Whoa, that didn't really fit onscreen right...

Meanwhile, Jenny knows the temperature for every major city in Canada

From the clouds we'll see snow showers, says the drunken digital weatherman this morning. Well, at least we're not seeing the snow coming directly from the sun or the birds again, because that scared the deer.

Also this: Expect some snow showers if you're going to be out and about today. ... So if I stay home, no snow? Great Caesar's ghost, what other powers do I have?!

Well, this should save me some time in the mornings

My discovery upon entering the kitchen today:

At least they're 2 for $4
at Wegman's this week

And the Tings are on sale too!
HEY-OOH

In the back:
not even a little bit hungry

At this point someone should be telling Carmine to go take a cold shower

Somehow during sleepytime (which was nearly 11 hours, thanks to a horrid sudden backache and multiple applications of Aleve) the name Ed Marinaro* (of Laverne and Shirley fame**) popped into my head, seemingly out of the blue, but only after arriving as Ed Maraschino. It had something to do with watching football and a contest. Like, Enter now to watch the NFL playoffs with Ed Marinaroschino!

Then I became conscious of what I was thinking and giggled.

Come to think of it, shouldn’t he have been

the Big Ragu, not this guy?

Volare!

(Ew, this might be one of the worst websites ever.

What did Carmine Ragusa ever do you to, yellow?)

I bet there were sauce fights when Marinaro joined the L&S crew. "You're runny and full of tomato chunks!" Eddie Mekka would spit, spotting as he spun toward his new rival, arms pulled in tight against his chest. "At least I don't come in a JAR!" Marinaro would retort, swinging a concrete block as he ducked a pointed-toe leg swing aimed at his head by the dance king.

*He played football for Cornell, apparently with
some finesse, and I recently saw his name somewhere.

**you know you don’t know him from anything else!***
***except OK maybe Hill Street if you watched it with your Dad

apparently he was quite the comic relief.
A real Iago, if you will.

Hey, look, it's Downtown Julie Brown!

Oh, Mom.

The source of hilarity, originally uploaded by MonkeyPantaloons.

This is for Jessica. It set off a fit of laughing in my Mom and Dad last Christmas the likes of which I have possibly never seen. (Click to see my Mom in hysterics in the preceding photos.)

Sometimes a Great Notion

Four days, 11 hours and 35 minutes till the final episodes of Battlestar begin airing.

Bittersweet doesn't even begin to describe it.

Supernatural Superserious

I've just messed up another Texas cake in ways I will probably never fully grasp on an afternoon when, by all rights except apparently not, I was supposed to be elsewhere, an elsewhere I wait all week, each week, to be. (I'll be there tomorrow, Lord willing and the snow don't rise.) I've made a new playlist that I initially forgot to set my iPod to download, so I had to go back and hook it up all over again, because the iPod is the least intuitive thing the company of intuitivicity has ever created. But really, it's OK, it's my own fault, and now select songs from Ea's FLORIDA disk have come up on what I have self-entertainingly entitled BlissCast.

The list starts with the New Pornographers, which so many good things do. They were the whole point of the list. Of course, they drowned out the sound of the phone AND the answering machine whilst I was singing and dancing to them. But I have forgiven them. I might even play them again. I bet my neighbor loves me. HI, JUDY!

Salem is now telling me you can't get there from here. I tell him to skip the suitcase and the dresser, then, and just jump straight to the floor. Michael Stipe agrees. Just to lay with you, there's nothing that I wouldn't do, save lay my rifle down.

Your BlissCast playlist:

1. Mass Romantic
2. Bones of the Idol
3. Twin Cinema
4. These are the Fables
5. Supernatural Superserious
6. Allegro (Battlestar Galactica)
7. Mad World
8. Mambo Italiano
9. The Mummer's Song
10. Desert Rose
11. Yankee Bayonet (I Will Be Home Then)
12. Friends Of Mine
13. Southern Cross
14. Astronaut
15. Sister Golden Hair Surprise
16. Hey Porter
17. Can't Get There From Here
18. Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect
19. In the Highways
20. The Infanta

They're connected. But crookedly.

I can seem to no longer park straight in the local parking garages or button my sweaters straight. Every time, both things. Astray. This has been happening for a few months now. I blame the Ponzi schemes.

Get Thee to a Tentery

In Which I Help You Prepare by Stating the Obvious for You

How to prepare for our transition to the post-digital world when the economy eats all the computers and our jobs with them? By the time this annihilation is through we won’t even be analog anymore; we’ll be more … tree log. Me, I’ve got five little hunters who will also keep me warm at night, as well as a boyfriend who, I’m fairly sure, can knock over trees with his bare hands. I’m also learning Fathom to break into small things and just got her her first My First Safecracking Kit for Those With No Thumbs.

I thought about going the Arthur Dent route, but first I’d have to learn how to build a fire-fired oven and figure out where the hell yeast comes from, and that’s going to take time I just don’t have while I am sitting here editing thank-you notes “from” the president in which “he” pretends to know the details of every single gift that comes through the major university over which he is lord and master. I also had to acquire him a bootblack last week.

My point is, what is your plan for putting food on the table when we’re all vying for the same job ripping tickets at the $2.50? And how will you build that table? And can I borrow a tent? You think this economic crash and burn won’t take your kitchen table with it? You’re going to need an ax and some secret iron ore is all I’m trying to say here. West Virginians will soon be our kings, just you wait and see.

Resolved: 2009

• Acquire hover car and investigate other hover-related technology
• Nurture relationship with The Tanning Bed. Set tan example for pasty hippie town
  
• Avoid Wyclef Jean. Remember last funk-fueled shooting spree
• Start gum bank in move to be better friend
  
• MORE LIME
• Avoid Manilow. Remember last sob-induced shooting spree
  
• Find one who will perform piscine matrimony (start with Unitarians)
  
• Do Not Cry when Mother glares disapprovingly at eyes
• Look into changing eye color
• Remember Pluto
• Discover perfect shade of lavender
  
• More Sabado Gigante!
  
• BELIEVE IN THE MONKEY KING
  

And what a perfect time for it!

The gods are clearly telling me I should follow my heart and become an artist after all. Today I got a friend request from one of my best friends from middle school, whom I lost touch with in high school. This really threw me, in a pleasant way. I never thought she'd care to track me down. And, ta-daa, she's an artist. Somehow not what I would've expected, but what do/did I know. She was always good at drawing.

Coincidentally, this follows my only remaining (10 years ago anyway) high school friend contacting me last week (who now seems to refuse to actually write me back, so, Marie, ?!?!). Who was also friends with Sue, see.

Anyhoo, all THIS follows on my suddenly being surrounded by all kinds of people who make a living as artists of one ilk or another. I never pursued it because — ostensibly anyway — it was assumed there was no living in it for most people, but also because I thought I had no business in the community of real artists who knew how to stretch canvas and mix paint and talk about "media" and "perception" and "Bauhaus" and "crap."

HM.

MOTHER GODDAMNED FUCKERS DID IT AGAIN

Battlestar Galactica: Season 4

ENGLAND:
DVD Release Date: 6 Oct 2008

RRP:	£34.99
Price:	£24.98 & this item Delivered FREE in the UK with Super Saver Delivery. See details and conditions
You Save:	£10.01 (29%)

Why I Like Pudding

So my new and wonderful beau has this awesome blog he just started like 20 minutes ago, which will reveal to you his sheer and utter genius. Meanwhile, same time, I've had zero inspiration whatsoever, since my brain is all taken with the sighing and the dreamingness and the glowing and the whatnot. In fact, I seem to have way less to say to people in general these days. The Great Undercurrent of My Discontent has been knocked out by his awesomeness, I guess, and, huh, apparently that was the source of whatever general entertainingness I flimsily held in my possession.

Or maybe I'd just rather be talking to him than to you.

Pigs! in the Bahamas!

echeng080515_0161945, originally uploaded by echeng.

Cooler than cool.

That said, maybe I'll just feature some photos here.

, originally uploaded by MonkeyPantaloons.

Well.

Been a little while, hasn't it. And probably going to be a while. Till I have inspirations less self-indulgent and still writing-related. I look back on previous months and don't know how you stood it.

There's a boy, see. But he's not for talking about here. He's for me and my heart and my mind.

Lucky you ;)

Caption Contest

Elder Barry Debates Cow, originally uploaded by MonkeyPantaloons.

Click on the photo to go to its Flickr page and give it some lovin', people. Winner will be determined by committee (Jenny and me and maybe others) and win something of slight value by some definition (Jenny's and mine).

Which Goddess are you?

Before you go to this quiz let me tell you that the Japanese must be behind it. You'll see why I say that. It's hard to look at the quiz page, too, because it's bright pink, but I know Ea for one will adore it. (And frankly I was hoping for Ceres!) See the comments for more before you click.

Your Result is: CERES

Goddess of nurturing spirit. Compassionate and sensitive. You value life. A green peace advocate in your own way and a great friend. ;?>



Take Which Goddess are you?

Bread in a can

Barefeet:

that is sort of what i thought the soul looked like when i was a kid

honest to god

Barf and Pens: A Photojournalistic Attempt at Assigning Human Attributes to Nonhuman Markets by Allegorizing Trading-Floor Employees

The first thing to go for Bob was the lips.










Agents experienced a nauseating warping of the space-time continuum when the Dow dipped below 8,000 and took their names away.










"I never should've ordered that trailer for my Eskimo mistress."









Nausea gave way to headaches as agents continued to suffer at the hands of unoriginal photographers with expensive cameras.











"Why are my hands so small! Think what I could have done with bigger hands!"















"You know why this happened, don't you, Peter? Because you wore blue on a Tuesday! You know you always wear the yellow on a Tuesday, and I wear the blue! This is why the Mets never make it to the Big Dance!"














Having lost the retirement savings of everyone he knows, Agent 1224 double-checks on his brain.














"Ramen! I'm never going to be able to eat anything but ramen!"
















944's deepest regret was that he hadn't splurged on way nicer pens.














Because of the Dow, no one noticed when someone pushed his left index finger right into the skull of Jimmy Fallon.

I live in the wrong country.

From here; maybe you saw it (Ea, this one's for you before you depart for northern climes):

Pringles 'are not potato crisps'

Pringles, the popular snack food in a tube, are not potato crisps, a High Court judge has ruled.

Their packaging, "unnatural shape" and the fact that the potato content is less than 50% helped Mr Justice Warren make his crunch decision.

Potato only makes up 42% of the ingredients of Pringles

....

Spud impact

P&G had gone to court to challenge a VAT and Duties Tribunal decision that the Pringle was subject to the standard 17.5% rate of VAT because it was "a potato crisp product", which are, unlike most food, subject to the tax.

But the manufacturer had insisted that their best-selling product was not similar to potato crisps, because of their "mouth melt" taste, "uniform colour" and "regular shape" which "is not found in nature".

It also argued that potato crisps - unlike Pringles - did not contain non-potato flours, and were not packaged in tubes.

Pringles are more like a cake or a biscuit, it claimed, because they are manufactured from dough.

Mr Justice Warren ruled that Pringles were not "made from the potato" - as set out in the definition laid down by the 1994 VAT Act.

....

Taking the biscuit

Separately, the Food and Agricultural Organisation and the World Health Organisation have decided - after seven years of debate - what qualifies as a proper tomato.

The ruling means tomatoes may be round, ribbed, oblong or elongated, or can be cherry tomatoes or cocktail tomatoes. Other characteristics include being clean, whole, fresh in appearance, and free from foreign smells and pests.

Earlier this year the European Court of Justice (ECJ) ruled that the UK Treasury had wrongly imposed VAT on a Marks and Spencer teacake. Customers paid VAT for 20 years before the authorities accepted the product was a cake, which does not command VAT.

Barefeet ‎(2:56 PM):

while we're at it, let's discuss things that rhyme with potato!

Pie chart

thanks to Hawkman for his image-accumulating skillz

Well this is unpleasant.

Yesterday I woke up feeling nauseous, and having eaten out two nights in a row, started to worry. I've hit this point in life where throwing up feels like it's ripping me apart. But it became clear that it was being caused by motion, so it had to be inner ear, and so I felt better.

Then, anyway.

Turns out I have benign positional vertigo. At home yesterday just sitting around, it diminished as the day wore on. Then I rode in a car. This morning again it seemed way better. Then I drove in a car. But now I'm feeling nauseous after just sitting here calmly at my desk for hours.

At least food poisoning would have been releasing me by now.

It has me a little worried for an upcoming trip to Jersey, upon which I am to see the much-missed Ealish and Blake. We'll see. If there were a saint of the inner ear, I'd lay something at his/her shrine.

Then last night I had a teeny adventure. I woke up around 2 and shortly heard squealing outside. I figured it for raccoons. I soon smelled otherwise. So off I went to sleep on the couch, where the smell was about half what lingered in my room.

See? Adventure! And the kitties were all over it. I even liked waking up out there. Maybe the bedroom actually needs to be brighter. Maybe I needed a sleep vacation. *Bonus*: I opened the kitchen window to set some of the odor free, and received the smell of waffles in return!

Now I am smelling hazelnut coffee from Adam's cubewreckle and wanting a cinnamon roll.

Stupid Adam.

Whoa

"The famous photo of Earth from Apollo 17 (Blue Marble) originally had the south pole at the top, as in this view, with the island of Madagascar visible just left of center, and the continent of Africa at its right. However, the image was turned upside-down to fit the traditional view.^{[1]"
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reversed_map)}

Slightly nauseous musing

Though I might just be hungry.

• As Ike was attacking the oil rigs of the Gulf of Mexico, I wondered where the conservatives who claim to know what God is thinking were with their Voices of the Lord. If Katrina was punishment for New Orleans' wanton ways, who was He punishing this time?
  
  
• Has Palin struck anyone as a younger, less qualified, girlified Cheney?
  
  
• Can I have a dollar?
  
  
• This guy on Match IMed me out of the blue by guessing that my screen name might be the same as my AOL address (which I usually try to erase from the Match e-mails but forget to do as time goes on). I should've just blocked/declined the IM, but I didn't, thinking it was Mark under a different screen name. Am I wrong in feeling it was rude or at least presumptuous of him? Like calling someone when they never gave you their phone number? I felt very put on the spot. After a few minutes I bailed and haven't heard from him since. No apologies for making me uncomfortable, which I clearly was, either. In fact I think he claimed cleverness in his deduction. He's well out of my age range, but this is the one case where that struck me as irrelevant. But I'd have expected someone 51 to have better manners.
  

Somebody's EIGHT today!

FOUR somebodies, even. Take a gander at their birthday photos (taken today, aye).
































































































































































While their progenitor hides under a bright blue chair.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Otter, Salem, Fathom and Blissypants! And Happy Birthing Day, Rogue-in-bloomers!

Most of us can only dream of such a thing

minuterice ‎(2:44 PM):

i went to the store yesterday and came home to a baby dressed in a diaper, big clunky plastic cinderella shoes, and a adult size cowboy hat

dancing

which consists mostly of spinning and laughing

Leaning toward May 30

If I can get it where I want it. (That's what she said.) Likely problem with Plantations: toilet facilities. I think they set up port-a-potties, and that's a deal-breaker.

If you're wondering about how I landed at these dates (and I know it kept you up last night):

My cousin Erin is having her wedding March 28. So if I want family there, and if I want to go to the wedding myself (might not), both weekends on either side (March 21, April 4) are out. April 12 is Easter. I want my friend Blake there, and sheʼs got a wedding April 18. Sheʼs also having her own 45th bash May 9, which I will go to, and Karla is probably having her 40th on March 14, which I will also go to. This travel of mine and planning needs of theirs affect the timing too.

Plus if people are coming from Florida, and at least 2 are, it'll be a much nicer visit for them in May.

Save the Date

I've been thinking for a couple of weeks now about what I'd like to do for that 40th birthday party. Erin's wedding date really ruins a good 3 weeks' worth of timing (March 21, March 28, April 4) if I want any family to be able to come and if I want to go to the wedding myself. Karla's own 40th party will likely be March 14. Easter is April 12. Blake's heavily involved in a wedding April 18 AND will be having her own 45th bash May 9.

This leaves us with February 28 or getting way later into May.

I think I've ruled out a Big Deal like a masquerade. It just sets up too many expectations that are not likely to come through. In May we could do it at Plantations, which would REALLY be cool. But also risky, because You Never Know With the Weather and All. But it would also be a more appealing time for Florida people to come (and good heavens, I hope someone comes).

Feb. would be nice for the break in the monotony, and because it'll be a little closer to the actual date (March 29).

I had a post all ready to go asking for your vote on what exactly to throw, masquerade or big band, but I think I'm safer going lower-key. The other thing I definitely want to look into is making it an SPCA benefit. Regardless, the SPCA will be recommended to anyone who is considering a gift.

Any thoughts or ideas? Please chime in in the comments so we can all discuss. Essay form is preferred, though multiple choice will be accepted.

Why anyone should move to Buffalo

Some really good reasons right here

Sadness.

I found out today that one of my columnists, Roger Hernandez, died this weekend. I am not even sure what happened. He'd had prostate cancer, but had beat it pretty well, last update I had. Amy told me he was having surgery Friday. The notice says he died in the hospital "after a brief illness." I will find out more as the King people do, I'm sure.

Roger was always such a great guy and really good to me. He was born in Havana and immigrated with his family when he was a boy. I learned a lot about Cuba from him.

I'm weak-legged and broken-hearted today.